By Amelia Bertoia-Dixon, #MyJewishIdentity Contest Entry
Talking about my jewish identity and relation to Israel has always been different for me. I come from a multi-faith family with divorced parents and that is a huge contrast to most of my Jewish friends. Growing up I went to Hebrew school, from preschool to becoming a confirmant in grade 10. Being Jewish is a huge part of my identity and everyone around me knows that. But I still get questions, “so your dad is Christian does that make you like.. half-jewish?”. I know people mean well and usually are just trying to be polite but it stings. I grew up going to synagogue every friday for years and continual Hebrew school. I participated in every Jewish extra-curricular activity and I know I am fully Jewish, but that does not make it feel any better when people try to question my level and dedication to Judaism.
Being confused is a common theme in my life with divorced parents; however, I never felt confused about my Jewish identity until other people started pointing things out. It is so invalidating hearing people act like having a Christian father makes me less Jewish. I celebrate Christmas out of respect for him but I do not go to church, and I do not believe in Jesus. I feel that because I have a multi-faith family it has affected my Jewish identity in a positive way. My step-father is Catholic and my dad and stepmom are Christian so I am constantly being exposed to other ways of practicing religion. Everyday I actively choose and continue to be Jewish, because Judaism resonates with me. Judaism is a comfort to me. The smell of the synagogue when I first walk in, the atmosphere of a party for chanukah, the food, the singing, the praying it all makes me feel like me. I would not be Amelia if I was not Jewish.
Another topic of my Jewish identity that is more foreign to me is Israel. I have heard about the politics and the conversations in Hebrew school. I am aware that it is messy and everyone has their opinion on it. But when I think of Israel I try to ignore politics and think about the culture. A Jewish state sounds like a dream. My friends would not always be confused about my holidays and traditions, everyone would know them. I am so used to people only knowing one of our holidays, that it is a surprise when someone knows another. I love being Jewish but rarely will someone attempt to learn about our religion and culture unless it directly pertains to or benefits them. It is really exhausting. I am in no way trying to say that Israel is without fault or issues, but the thought of being Jewish getting normalized is tantalizing. I find myself connecting with peers over our Judaism knowing that only the two of us are Jewish. Having the same culture and talking about being Jewish normally feels so good. Recently I had a girl I did not know too well come up to me and asked if I was keeping kosher for Passover. We automatically clicked and had a long conversation, asking each other which synagogues we went to and who we knew in common. The only reason we became friends was because of our shared experience with being Jewish. In Israel I just know that being Jewish is a very different experience and I would love to visit one day.
In conclusion, being Jewish is a huge part of my overall identity. It is not without confusion and continual growth because my Jewish identity is constantly shifting. When I was younger it felt like everyone was Jewish and it was my whole world. I saw nothing wrong with it. As I grew older, realization hit that not many people were Jewish and that we are a minority. Talks came up about when we were traveling in certain places not to mention our religion in case of violence. Cruel facts of the world hit me that antisemistism was very much real and happening. The ignorance of my peers when it came to the Holocaust and any Jewish issue became painfully apparent. Suddenly being Jewish did not feel like the best thing in the world anymore, it felt almost scary. Whenever I feel like this, I read the boy in the striped pajamas. I first read it at age eight and it always reminds me to be proud of my religion. I always keep my magen david on after reading that book.
